The Two Paragraphs Hate: Nicholas Cage

Anyone who has visited a website, watched a YouTube video, or enjoyed a late night segment will be well aware of a pleasant trend pointing out the absurdity of Nicholas Cage’s acting.  Mash-ups of ridiculous moments make for some fine comedy indeed.  He’s just awful.  In snippets, these moments are hilarious, but he’s not making snippets, he’s making hour-and-a-half travesties of celluloid (maybe travesties of binary code, what with the digital and all).  And while most of us decent, thinking human beings are content to laugh and move on, without wasting our time on the movies themselves, from working on the front-lines in the exciting world of video rental, I can tell you that the majority of the general population aren’t laughing at him, they are eagerly awaiting his next gem.  The average American actually likes his crap.

Therein lies the problem.  The number of people who use the line, “I love Nicholas Cage,” with nary a hint of irony, makes my soul cry.  While it’s easy for me to sit here or stand there and bemoan the perpetuation of Cage’s cinematic adventures, box office history and nepotism can only carry you so far. In a fair and just world where people weren’t complete dipshits, his star would have quickly fizzled, if it ever shone at all.  As dipshittery occurs en masse, idiot movie goers, incapable of any measure of sophisticated or discerning taste, are the reason this bastard won’t go away, and the reason a little piece of my spirit dies three to five times a year.

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